FIGHTING

I have never liked scary movies.

Some people make a distinction between “suspenseful” , “scary” and “gory”.

All of them are tough for me to take. I will watch a movie through my fingers if I have to.

I guess of all three, the gory ones are the worst.

Even though I know they're fake and no one is actually hurt, they still bother me.

This was always true and when my brother died it got worse.

I guess I don't have much tolerance for violence.

Tonight we worked on our second night of fight choreography.

Last night Harris, our fight choreographer, staged a swordfight in the street and a drunken brawl.

Really fun and crazy.

But tonight, we worked on the bedroom fights.

It’s no secret that Othello kills Desdemona at the end. That is why Othello and O.J. end up linked in so many conversations.

(That drives me crazy, by the way. I think the analogy is strained at best. We can talk about that another time.)

Anyhow, tonight, we staged the series of fights that begins with Desdemona’s death.

Our normally disciplined cast started to fray at the edges tonight. They fell into multiple side conversations. Lots of joking around. General silliness. More than ever before.

They are never like this.

I can’t help thinking that, as hard as violence is to watch, it is even harder to do.

Even in this highly theatrical sort of way.

We have developed a community. We have been able to get to know each other. The last thing anyone wants to do is hurt each other.

So everyone went through the motions. Carefully. Always checking to be sure that the everyone was ok.

At a certain point you have to move past the meticulous process of learning the movements and start acting.

And that can be scary. Of course we are all pretending. We know that no one is actually their character in the play.

But most actors train to conjure up emotions in order to make the situation as real-seeming as possible.

And these are not comfortable feelings to conjure up.

It’s not easy to get to those deep, dark places that erupt in violence.

We have two weeks to get there. And we will.

For now we joke about the slaps and kicks and saber fights.

But when we get to performance I hope to be watching through my fingers.